Being Seen: Email from Dakotah

At the end of a recent email from my almost 16-year-old little sister-in-law, she wrote the following:

p.s.- so I had to read this book called 'Bird by Bird-instructions on writing and life' by Anne Lammot and the whole time i was reading it i couldn't stop thinking of you so i think you should read it :) love you!  

Need I express how much that warmed my heart?  Of course I responded with a whole ecstatic declaration of it being my favorite book and author of all time!  

There's something about being known and understood at the very heart and soul of who you are that's thrilling.  But that kind of knowing is so rare, because it takes intention and careful observation to know a person in such a way.  Clearly Dakotah is one who pays attention, because she's intelligent and attentive for one, but more so because she's an artist and romantic in her own right.  (Though I'm not certain she's fully aware of it just yet.)  One of the foundational qualities of any great artist is their natural ability to pay attention, be aware, observe, see things in a way that no one else does.

Case & Point: What will forever be one of my favorite memories of our entire trip was the moment she stepped onto the lawn beneath the Eiffel Tower for the very first time, and was so moved she began to weep.  That kind of a reaction is not one of a tourist.  It's one of an artist.

Cheers to being seen, being known, being celebrated.  It's a rare gift, and in this particular case just happens to be reciprocal... even rarer.

Are you intentional about really observing and knowing the people in your life?  Do you have someone in your life who truly sees you?  

Italy, Erin, and the Long Lazy Summer Ahead

Thanks to rain and hail, yes hail, I didn't take a ton of photos in Italy.  However the shots I did get turned out quite dramatic and romantic, which of course I love.

My itinerary suggestions: Do stumble into a quiet, random cafe for a lovely dinner.  Don't worry, it's hard to go wrong regarding food in a city like Florence.  (This one happened to feature a menu of organic ingredients.)

Authentically Tuscan in every way, from the simply roasted herbed potatoes to the tender white beans in tomato broth.

After lingering over a delightful meal, take a long evening walk thru the city simply taking it all in...

Do stop to stare at the Duomo for long moments every time it towers into view, as often it will.  And don't fail to take in the many sculptures and fountains throughout the city, as well.  It can be overwhelming, but even if you stop to really examine only one, I promise you won't regret it.  

Perhaps sit and sip an espresso at any number of street cafes, too, just because you should.  (And look, I stumbled upon more love locks ;-)

And lastly, stop frequently for gelato.  I'm not kidding, as often as possible.  You'll be walking so much your waistline will never know the difference.  And trust me, gelato in Italy isn't like anything you've ever had elsewhere.  There are at least 1,021 flavors.  Try them all.  In multiple pairs and combinations.  It will make you so happy.

And that my friends, ends both our 'Epic Adventure 2011' recap, as well as quite the season of travel for us.

I must admit, I'm exhausted.  I'm much looking forward to a slow, lazy summer.  All adventures for the next couple months will be strictly limited to floating down rivers in kayaks, trips to the country to wild berry and garden pick, treasure-hunting expeditions, and anything else we happen to stumble upon here in our own beloved Northeast Texas!

I also have a number of unfinished home projects I'm looking forward to tackling, stacks and stacks of unread books, and dozens of recipes I'm dying to try, but mostly I'm looking forward to settling in and letting God finish the transformative work He's been doing in my heart the past few weeks.  I will certainly be sharing those revelations and illuminations, just as soon as I can articulate them in fullness.  Sacred sharing requires a bit more forethought and consideration, you know.  But believe me when I say, it's brewing.  Been brewing for a while now...

So what summer plans do you have?? 

Paris: The best and the worst.

Ah, Paris...  City of love.  City of beauty.  City of markets and monuments and picnics beneath the Eiffel.

My proposed agenda:  Start with browsing one of a dozen gorgeous markets.  My fave is one minutes from the Eiffel.  I suggest picking up anything that strikes your fancy.  Baguette? Of course!  Cheese?  Why, yes.  Fresh figs?  Don't mind if I do...

What kind of cheese, you ask?  Who cares!  Surprise me.

With your arms full of goodies, meander towards the lawn of the Eiffel and stake out a nice little spot to chow.

Next, spread your fare on the grass like a feast.  If you want to feel really Parisian, use your scarf as a picnic placemat like I do...

Look at my feast!  (Yes, I did say 'my' not 'ours'.  This was my lunch.  There might also have been a huge jar of Nutella somewhere that didn't make it into the photo...  And maybe a few bites of Caleb and Dakotah's lunches...  And maybe Josh's too... maybe...)

Once you're tummy's full, just sit for awhile and enjoy the ambiance with your love ;-)

Afterwards you'll definitely want to walk off that delightful lunch, so head over to Notre Dame to gawk at all the gargoyles and flying buttresses.

And don't miss this bridge just steps from the church, where lovers lock padlocks and throw the key into the river as a sign of undying love...

Stunning, huh??

Paris is lovely...

Truly beautiful...

But I do fear the sun has officially set on my love affair with this oh-so-lovely place...  

Why, you ask?  

Well, something to do with an encounter with the rudest women I've ever met in my entire life, all my travels combined, times a million.  Something to do with her berating and screaming at us for absolutely no reason other than the fact that we spoke English.  Something to do with me losing my cool in a way that I've never, ever done before.  Something to do with me embarrassing myself beyond belief in front of a dozen Parisians, Josh and my brother and sister-in-law as well, when I got so upset that I literally punched the glass divider with my fist (which the unbelievably rude woman was sitting behind) and screamed such horrible, unspeakable things that they can never, ever be repeated.  Ever.  

And then she called security on me and we had to run away with a load of luggage to avoid me potentially being thrown in Parisian jail.  Nice.

It.  Was.  Awful.

I can't even believe I'm telling you about it.

I was in a bad place.  I hit my introverted max by like, a thousand percent.  Jesus was nowhere in the vicinity.  (maybe I left Him in that quiet little square in Amsterdam... I think that was the last place I saw Him...)

*sigh*

I can't even believe I'm telling you all this.  BUT.  True to my commitment to always be transparent about both my victories and failures as a believer, well, there you have it.  MASSIVE.  FAIL.  I apologized profusely to Caleb and Dakotah.  (who giggled hysterically and declared it their favorite moment of the trip)  I tried to get over it, but I couldn't shake the humiliation and sheer disappointment in myself.  There was lamenting and tears and more tears.  There was apologies and repentance and more humiliation as I obsessively re-lived the moment over and over and over in my head, tears welling up in my eyes every single time.  That meltdown is precisely the kind of thing that happens when an introverted, artistic type like myself reaches their limit.  If we don't withdraw to refuel, we begin to fall apart.  Period.  And boy, did I.

I eventually got over it, once I was certain my family and Jesus still loved me.  (and decided to forgive the evil woman behind the glass even thought I really didn't want to at first)  But I can't say I'll ever forget it.  It goes down in infamy as the ugliest moment of my life, to date.  Thank goodness for Grace.  That's about all I can say about it.

Having had a few rough experiences in Paris over the years, I just can't say it's a place I care to return to again.  Not saying you shouldn't go, of course!  Just sayin' I can't imagine that I ever will...  I've seen the best Paris has to offer a few times now, and well, I've also seen the worst.  Love Europe, but next time I think we'll plan our itinerary around France, if only to avoid the memory of that horrible encounter. ;-)

Tell me you've made a fool of yourself too in some way or another.  It will make me feel so much better.  I'm in desperate need of affirmation.  Please!!

Amsterdam: How I love this city, let me count the ways...

Ten years ago almost to the month, I set foot in Europe for the very first time.  Despite its infamous dark and crazy reputation, this city won me over on the spot.  Amsterdam.  I literally had no notion what to expect of Europe, although it wasn't my first time overseas.  At 19 I'd been fortunate to have already traveled quite a bit, so at the time I just saw it as another trip, another adventure. But Europe did something in me I never could have expected.  It was as if I found myself in some profound way.  I walked around staring, daydreaming, astonished at the culture and beauty.  I remember it specifically as the first time I'd traveled somewhere and hadn't wanted to leave.  I'd had no idea such a place existed.  I vowed to return someday, maybe even live there for awhile.  It was the moment in my life I truly fell in love with travel.

And don't get me wrong, it really is everything you think it is upon hearing the words 'red light district': drugs, sex, and all that goes with it.  Indescribably broken.  But it's also so much more.  Tulips, canals, wooden shoes, Van Gogh.  Bicycles, coffee shops, parks and markets. House boats, history, cheese, fine art.  It's unquestionably breathtaking.  

Returning again ten years later I held my breath, hoping I hadn't made it out to be something it wasn't, hoping it really was as beautiful as I remembered... and it is.  Not only in every way I remembered, but a thousand more.  

Here's a tiny sampling of my hundreds and hundreds of photos:

How could you not love a city that specializes in flowers?  Particularly tulips?  (sidenote: Following our UK trip in April, Josh and I flew thru Holland on our way home.  From the air during the height of tulip season, rainbows of color literally stretch out into the distance beneath you.  It's stunning.)

Apparently it was family stripe day.  Fortunately, I didn't get the memo ;-)

The top deck of the most gorgeous house boat.  It seems they utilize the deck for wine drinking...

They really do wear wooden shoes, like, for real.

The most adorable old man I've ever laid eyes on.

Paper cones filled with fries are the snack of choice in Amsterdam.  There are endless shops that sell only, and I do mean only, french fries.  Topped with your sauce of choice, of course.

The most amazing, terrifying swing ever. I adore Vondelpark.

Not owning a bicycle is unfathomable in this city.  It's truly astonishing.

This city makes me so happy.

And look, we even found Jesus.  In Amsterdam.  I knew He was there somewhere... ;-)

We packed our days as full as possible.  It totally helped that it literally didn't get dark until almost 11pm every evening.  Greatness.  

A hundred laughs and one major screaming match later (something about gratitude or attitude or something...), we set off via high speed train to Paris!  

England: An Unconventional View

I've taken so many shots of lovely London the past few months I thought this time I'd share a few unconventional glimpses, each beautiful in it's own right of course.

Love.  (A little birthday token from my husband.)  An elegant swan in St. James Park.  A moma duck sheltering her babies amidst the daisies.  A delicate flower blossom.

The ornate fence surround Parliament and Big Ben.  A detail of Mary with Jesus at Wesminster Abbey.  The royal horse guard, ever dedicated.  Our shadow family ;-)

A fabric store whose colors stopped me in my tracks, literally taking my breath away.  Compass in hand, a prophetic moment before I even knew it.  So many gorgeous old sewing machines.  Market pastries, always enticing.

And okay, fine, we also took a few 'conventional' shots...  ;-)

Big Ben.  Red phone booth.  Buckingham Palace.  Tower Bridge.

Per usual, London treated us well.

Tomorrow I have SO many gorgeous shots of Amsterdam to share with you!  I fell in love with that city all over again, head over heels in love.  It was glorious.  

And on a different note, the blog has been quiet the past week or so as God has literally and miraculously been transforming my heart.  I've had to steal away and coax myself to breathe simply to wrap my brain around it.  Apologies for the lapse here in blog-world, but I promise, all is WELL.

Home, Another Year of Life, and What's to Come

I'm home!  

And what a whirlwind trip it was.  

England, Holland, France, and Italy, with a number of stops along the way in Belgium, Germany, etc.  Planes, trains, ferrys, tubes, metros, taxis, and tons of walking.  Laughing, wandering, a few sibling screaming moments followed by hugs and tears, and even an incident that involved me losing my cool in a way I have never, ever done before.  Ever.  It was humiliating.  I may never fully recover.  

So many forever wonderful memories.  So many lessons learned.  So many stories and photos to share with you in the next few days!

In other news, I also celebrated my 29th birthday this past week.  Last year as part of the birthday festivities, Christine (at the time nine months pregnant with sweet Luci Belle) planned a little nighttime picnic.  So this year we thought, why not do it again?!  This time Luci Belle was even more present.  She even 'made' me what is quite possibly the cutest card I've ever received.  

How adorable is this?? (I thought it appropriate to photograph in a morning patch of sunlight ;-)

Look at her little scribble mark and the crayon copyright on the back.  Love.

What can I say?  I have creative friends ;-)

Oh how we love this little girl.

I've also added to my ever growing treasure-hunting collection in recent days, thanks to a friend moving across town and downsizing. Can't wait to show you those trinkets!  

And lastly, on an entirely different note, my heart has been wrecked.  And restored.  I'm still processing in many ways but definitely want to share soon, at least in part.  God has outright astounded me with His providence, His concern and intricate orchestration of my every day.  Even when I accused Him and spewed my anger at the heavens, laying false charge against Him... He didn't relent.  There was no way in the moment for me to understand how the pain would profit, or why He was literally causing it.  But now I see, oh how clearly I see, and how unspeakably grateful I am.

So there's a few tidbits for ya!  See you soon ;-)