My blog has been a little quiet this week.
Without going into great detail suffice it to say...I've been wrestling with some things: relationship dynamics, stretching myself too thin, not giving the best of myself to the things and people that matter most in my life, fear, insecurity, etc.
And you know what? ALL of those issues boil down to one little subtle secret: I've been believing lies. Lies about myself, about other people, about what I'm capable of and what I'm not. Lies about what others think of me, what they don't. Lies about what I know to be truth. The list goes on. And on. And on.
So today, I stopped myself. In my kitchen, in the midst of cooking and getting Josh out the door and getting myself ready and checking boxes off my to-do list, I literally stopped. I sat down in front of my computer. And I began to type the words you're reading this instant.
Because I need to tell the truth. I need to bring the shadows and darkness slinking around inside my heart, out into the light. To expel them. I need to be honest. I need to dispel the lies.
When I started this blog I vowed to myself to always, no matter what, tell the truth. The real, raw, sometimes even painful truth. Today is one of those days. I had to stop to remind myself not to withdraw and sneak away to a quiet corner to lick my wounds and analyze my issues endlessly, although I do it well and the option is always tempting. But rather, to write, create, confess, bring lies into the light of day, render them powerless.
And so I have, or, at least I've begun the process, the process which always begins with me stepping into the light. I can turn my focus to myself, or I can turn it to others. I can allow myself to be robbed, or I can enrich the lives of the people around me. I can sit and sulk, or I can offer hope. I can take from the world, or I can give.
So I choose to give. I choose to write, to create, to be honest. It may seem a small feat, but oh I assure you it is not. For any kind of artist, the work of sitting and actually doing is hardest of all, especially when it requires the great risk of vulnerability.
I simply won't believe lies today. I choose instead to step into, to step towards, the Light.
"The world doesn't need another band, per se. It doesn't, strictly speaking, need another book or another photograph or another album. The general world population will survive without one more stage production or one more gallery showing.
This is the thing, though: you might not. We create because we were made to create, having been made in the image of God, whose first role was Creator. He was and is a million different things, but in the beginning, he was a creator. That means something for us, I think. We were made to be the things that he is: forgivers, redeemers, second-chance givers, truth-tellers, hope-bringers. And we were certainly, absolutely, made to be creators.
If you were made to create, you won't feel whole and healthy and alive until you do." -Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet
Do you struggle with believing lies? About yourself? About others? About God?